The Value Of Self-Acceptance & How To Enjoy It

The easiest thing in the world is to reject or dismiss yourself. Many of us do it on a daily basis. For example, if a joke you make doesn’t land in the office, you might wonder if you’re really that funny or if you made a social faux pas, when really, people might not have heard you, been in a bad mood, or just not have been the right crowd.

Self-criticism can be a healthy emotion and thought process if applied correctly. It allows you to correct your behavior or try to improve in the future. Sure, it can be harsh to think through, but think of the opposite – we’ve all met someone who seems incapable of criticizing themselves or accepting any form of criticism without thinking of it as a personal attack, and they are exhausting.

But it’s true sometimes, as with our primary example, that self-criticism can go a little overboard and make assumptions that aren’t there. Before you know it, we suffer despite having no real reason to. So, sometimes, focusing on self-acceptance and how to enjoy it is key.

In this post, we hope to help you with that. Let’s begin:

Give Yourself A Break

You know, it's okay to cut yourself some slack now and then. We're often our own harshest judges, holding ourselves to impossibly high standards. Maybe you've made a mistake at work or said something you regret. Instead of beating yourself up about it, try to approach the situation with a bit of kindness. You wouldn't be so hard on a friend who was in the same boat, would you? So why not extend that same courtesy to yourself? A good rule of thumb is to see if you’d be happy with a friend talking to you as you are now. If not, then change it.

It might also help to remember that everyone messes up sometimes. It's part of being human. Giving yourself a break isn’t being soft then, you're not letting yourself off the hook – you're just acknowledging that perfection isn't realistic. This mindset can actually make it easier to learn from your mistakes and move forward in a positive way, because you won’t feel like the punishment is the recuperative approach to take.

Focus On Your Positives

When you're caught up in self-criticism, it's easy to forget about all the good stuff you've got going on. You might want to take a moment to think about your strengths and accomplishments because you no doubt have some, however modest. Maybe you're a great listener, or you've got a good track record for solving problems. Perhaps you've overcome some tough challenges in your life and have learned from them.

Focusing on these positives isn't about inflating your ego, either. It's more to do with giving yourself a balanced perspective. We always tend to fixate on our flaws and shortcomings, but that's only part of the picture. If you can focus on your positives, a mistake doesn’t feel like a slight on your character, and a positive outcome isn’t something you just lucked into. We could act like this is some super redemptive thought process to believe in, but in reality it’s just the truth. Which is even better!

Keep A Journal To Mind Your Self-Talk

A journal can be a wonderful place to see how you’re regarding yourself and the difficulties you’re working with. It doesn't have to be anything fancy either – just a place where you can jot down your thoughts and feelings even in a random book of A4 sheets. If you’re pretty busy otherwise, this can be a great way to keep tabs on your self-talk, and gently improve it.

Moreover, by writing things down, you start to notice patterns in your thinking. For example, are you jumping to negative conclusions without much evidence? Seeing these thoughts on paper can help you gain some perspective or see how your thoughts have changed over time. You might also realize that some of your self-criticisms aren't really fair or accurate.

Don’t forget that journaling can be a nice way to work through your emotions. Sometimes, just getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper can make them feel less overwhelming, because you’ve given structure to them instead of just resting in bad vibes.

Acceptance Doesn’t Mean Never Changing

Here's a thing to keep in mind: accepting yourself doesn't mean you have to stay exactly as you are forever. It's actually healthier to acknowledge where you're at right now, flaws and all, without judgment. From this place of actual acceptance, you can still work on personal growth and self-improvement if that's what you want to do. This attitude is great also, because it doesn’t prevent you from losing weight if you want to, or recognizing you have a temper that needs to be addressed, or even having a breast augmentation procedure depending on your tastes. What matters is accepting yourself before the change, not as a result of the change. Then you’ve done it the right way around.

After all, professionally this makes sense. You can accept that you're not great at public speaking right now, while still taking steps to get better at it. The difference is that you're coming from a place of self-compassion rather than harsh self-criticism, and we tend to view ourselves less objectively when it comes to our personal lives. But accepting yourself is sometimes the best route to change, because then you won’t feel bad at looking at what you need to change perfectly well.

Bonus: Maintain A Positive Social Group

It’s a heck of a lot easier to move forward and accept yourself if your friends are generally positive and want the best for you. No amount of positive self-talk will help us if our friend groups or relatives are constantly criticizing or tearing us down.

For this reason, if it’s the friend group that needs to change, that’s a place you can start. After all, we’re all only human, and sometimes the environment we’re in dictates how we think.

With this advice, we hope you can more easily understand the value of self-acceptance and how to properly enjoy it.